My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
