She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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