I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
