you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize