Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
