So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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