I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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