Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
