And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
