Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Just puked most of my soul out..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
