I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
it's like iHOP with fire
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
