I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
