Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize