you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
