I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize