Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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