If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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