Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.

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(415): View more from California

the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication

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(973): View more from New Jersey

America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...

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(205): View more from Alabama

In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.

(205): View more from Alabama

But happy liver failure. That's what counts.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.

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(703): View more from Virginia

The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it

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(316): View more from Kansas

Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..

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