Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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