Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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