Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
