Jerry, you need to find god
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
