a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
