The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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