So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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