i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
