I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
