apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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