Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
two words...techno handjob
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
