The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize