The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
