so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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