Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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