she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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