just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
