I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
