do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize