i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
