I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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