you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
