i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
