no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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