apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
So squirting runs in the family.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
