I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
