yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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