My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
