And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize