God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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