Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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