To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
