I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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