You work out of a Hotel?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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