Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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