We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
