K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
