I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
