I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
