dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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