I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's official drugs can't kill me
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
