He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i think im in europe. pls send help
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
