Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
