My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
