Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
