Where is the hickey?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
