Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize