is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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