Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She's the barista slut.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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