we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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