I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
