Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
