if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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