So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
