Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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