I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
