Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
