The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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