You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
