she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
me + whiskey = a bad person
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize