I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
