Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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