I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize