never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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