bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
