After last night, I could never be a politician.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Damn victory sex feels great
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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