Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i came on her dog
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
