I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
