Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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