don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
