chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
