it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
