sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
