Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
