I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
