I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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