I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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