What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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