"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
