I wanna bring you to show and tell
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
should my penis look like a turkey
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Pooping to opera.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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