i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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