Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
