Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
