Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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