youre lurking in front of me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
