you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
