I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
