She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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