Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
