My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
