Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
