The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
