I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You've changed since you got that strap on
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
