I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
