i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
