talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
