Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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